tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2009-11-11:/MokoFeed2009-11-11T07:14:37+01:00tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-07-11:/2007/07/11/i_got_the_job~2614020/mari662007-07-11T10:48:39+02:002007-07-11T10:48:39+02:00 <p>So much has happened since I last wrote but I went for a couple of interviews and got the job. I'm due to start now on 6th August. It's close to home so no more commuting for me a total saving of at least 3 hours a day!!!</p> <p>My new role as Display Sales Manager will be following the trade contacts for the Food and Drink Technology magazine for <a href="http://www.bellpublishing.com/"><a href="http://www.bellpublishing.com/">http://www.bellpublishing.com/</a></a> so a brand new start for me.</p> <p>We went to Florida and I fell in love with Key West where I had such a brilliant time. If you ever have the good fortune to go you must go and see Hog's Breath and Sloppy Joe's - two really fun bars with good beer, good music and souvenir t shirts of which I got both!</p> <p>We stopped at Cocoa Beach and I drank a Hurricane, as its title suggests I was devastated and can't remember much after finishing my glass!?!</p> <p>We went to St Pete's beach and I drank a Margarita which spurred me on to join the karaoke fun night. I gave what can only be classed as a new and interesting take on Angels by Robbie Williams. I even had one American fan clap at the end or was that because he was happy to see me get off the stage. My other half was happy that's for sure!</p> <p>So come on summer, where are you? We want barbies and beers in the garden, t shirts and flip flops and happy go lucky summer attitude here in the UK too. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/07/11/i_got_the_job~2614020/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-06-05:/2007/06/05/change_is_in_the_air~2398058/mari662007-06-05T12:33:46+02:002007-06-05T12:33:46+02:00 <p>Whenever I start writing these days it's with an apology for my absences! I really do wish I had more time on my hands for this hobby but as the title states I have so much going on that my energy has had to be channelled into other priorities. Sorry! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Firstly, in a moment of great work delusion last week I sent my CV off for a job entitled Display Sales Manager and I've been offered an interview next Monday.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0"> They are obviously impressed with my CV but I don't know what a Display Sales Manager is!!!<br> It's for work within a publishing company who produce three trade magazines and it's close to home which would allow me to keep a closer eye on my darling teenager daughter so now I really want the job.<br> If anyone out there knows what a DSM is please let me know <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/06/05/change_is_in_the_air~2398058/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-05-17:/2007/05/17/paris_hilton_different_status_to_the_res~2285518/mari662007-05-17T11:26:46+02:002007-05-17T11:26:46+02:00 <p>My blood is boiling having read the latest article on  <a href="http://uk.news.yahoo.com/pressass/20070517/ten-disgraced-hilton-s-jail-term-halved-5f8abb3.html">Ms Hilton</a> </p> <p>I can't stand the miserable trollop to start with and was quite happy to see she was going to be slung into jail for 45 days for driving having already been banned for <u>drink driving</u>.</p> <p>But now the latest 'American Judge' and we're not talking American Idol judge has decided to halve the <em>poor</em> girl's sentence as after all she is the grand daughter of one of the most blah blah blah.<br>What a load of codswallop, I mean come on, any other Joe Bloggs like you or me would have been handcuffed, slung in a cell and made to serve our sentence but her no.</p> <p>Just goes to prove that there are different laws for different status levels all over the world and I really feel strongly that this shouldn't be the case.</p> <p>So will you all stop buying any magazine that talks about this dimwit and spend your money on a beer instead? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/05/17/paris_hilton_different_status_to_the_res~2285518/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-05-11:/2007/05/11/swearing_at_work~2250539/mari662007-05-11T11:27:28+02:002007-05-11T11:27:28+02:00 <p>Dear Employees: </p> <p>It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. </p> <p>Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. </p> <p>We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues. </p> <p>Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. </p> <p>1. Try Saying:<br> I think you could do with more training<br> Instead Of:<br> You don't have a f<strong>*</strong>* clue, do you? </p> <p>2. Try Saying:<br> She's an aggressive go-getter.<br> Instead Of:<br> She's a f<strong>*</strong>* power-crazy bitch </p> <p>3. Try Saying:<br> Perhaps I can work late<br> Instead Of:<br> And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? </p> <p>4. Try Saying:<br> I'm certain that isn't feasible<br> Instead Of:<br> F*** off arse-wipe </p> <p>5. Try Saying:<br> Really?<br> Instead Of:<br> Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole </p> <p>6. Try Saying:<br> Perhaps you should check with...<br> Instead Of:<br> Tell someone who gives a f***</p> <p>7. Try Saying:<br> I wasn't involved in the project.<br> Instead Of:<br> Not my f<strong>*</strong>* problem, mate. </p> <p>8. Try Saying:<br> That's interesting.<br> Instead Of:<br> What the f***? </p> <p>9. Try Saying:<br> I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.<br> Instead Of:<br> No f<strong>*</strong>* chance mate. </p> <p>10.Try Saying:<br> It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in<br> Instead Of:<br> Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday? </p> <p>11.Try Saying:<br> He's not familiar with the issues<br> Instead Of:<br> He's got his head up his f<strong>*</strong>* arse. </p> <p>12.Try Saying:<br> Excuse me, sir?<br> Instead Of:<br> Oi, f*** face. </p> <p>13.Try Saying:<br> Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway<br> Instead Of:<br> Yeah, who needs f<strong>*</strong>* holidays anyway.</p> <p>Thank You.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/05/11/swearing_at_work~2250539/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-05-10:/2007/05/10/time_marches_on~2245737/mari662007-05-10T15:44:02+02:002007-05-10T15:44:02+02:00 <p>I am guilty of neglecting my blog yet again and the excuses are many.</p> <p>1. My 16 year old daughter and her GCSE's<br> 2. Sadly, another failed pregnancy to add to my collection<br> 3. The people at number 59 have moved out<br> 4. New nextdoor neighbours<br> 5. Various trips to the beach</p> <p>And many more, I will have to be more diligent and make time for blog world. I have been reading the posts that come through though so hi to all</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/05/10/time_marches_on~2245737/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-03-29:/2007/03/29/quiet_for_far_too_long~1996149/mari662007-03-29T09:49:34+02:002007-03-29T09:49:34+02:00 <p>Last time I spoke about my trip to Italy and I haven't been back on my blog since. There is a reason for that and it's called Megan.</p> <p>She did come back with me on the Tuesday as she couldn't wait a moment longer (typical impatience of a teen). She wasn't the only thing I came back with as my friend's children passed me a nasty 48 hour bug too.</p> <p>So, my time has been spent getting her into a local school and because she is in year 11, she'll be sitting her GCSE's in May/June too! Talk about a rush. <img src="/img/smilies/graybigeek.gif" alt="88|" class="middle" border="0"><br> They're getting her to concentrate on 5 subjects as time is so short and they are Art, Graphics, French, Maths and hopefully English. She will automatically be entered for the Italian GCSE which she should sail through.</p> <p>So all in all a very busy period for me. I'm colouring in her drawings of bars, looking up artists on internet and doing research on the history of Gravesend to assist her complete the missing 2 yrs coursework for graphics and then I'm also back at trying to conceive once again as the necessary time has passed. Fingers crossed it'll be third time lucky for us<br> xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/03/29/quiet_for_far_too_long~1996149/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-03-07:/2007/03/07/adolescent_daughters_who_d_av_em~1861234/mari662007-03-07T10:15:29+01:002007-03-07T10:15:29+01:00 <p><strong>I would!</strong></p> <p>I'm off to Italy tomorrow to see Thomas and Megan my 'littl'uns' Tommy is 19 in March and Megan will be 17 in September.</p> <p>When I left Enrico in 2004 to come back to the UK I brought Megan with me as she was only 14 at the time and 'needed' me (her mother). She lasted a good 6 months and settled well at her school, she made lots of friends and was doing well but phone calls with her father left her very sad and nostalgic to say the least. It didn't help that he'd ask her consent on having a baby with his new partner (Sabrina) or that when she sat at the dinner table he asked her to move as that place was now reserved for Sabrina. So on her trip home in Feb 05 she phoned in floods of tears to ask me to allow her to stay there. She no longer wanted to live in England with me.</p> <p>Needless to say, I was devastated and powerless to 'do' anything. I feared if I forced her to come home 'as it was in her best interests' I would never hear the end of it. You know how adolescents have a habit of saying. 'you made me...' So against my wishes I let her stay on and for the past couple of years have been flying back and forth thanks to Ryan Air cheap flights to see them about every 6 weeks or so.</p> <p>However, recently there has been increasing friction between father and daughter and on more than one occasion she has expressed her desire to return. We have talked clearly about what this signifies. I want her to go to college and complete her studies, to take up art which is her secret ambition. She may have to take a Saturday job as I refuse to pay for her filthy smoking habit. And so on and so on..</p> <p>I called her yesterday and she's still very keen, seems as if she's started packing boxes and may be returning with me next week. Gulp!</p> <p>The whole idea fills me with great joy and immense fear at the same time. Will I cope with a bulchy 'Kevin' in my house? More hormonal than me.<br> Will it create to much pressure on me and Paul? I adore this man who has stood by me through thick and thin and who I trust implicitly.</p> <p>We'll go for it and muddle through, as you do, I've found an Art and Design B/TEC at a local college and am trying to convince her old school St John's to take her back for the last few months<br> And we'll take it from there.<br> Wish me luck x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/03/07/adolescent_daughters_who_d_av_em~1861234/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-03-01:/2007/03/01/happy_st_david_s_day~1828598/mari662007-03-01T17:27:04+01:002007-03-01T17:27:04+01:00 <p>To everybody.<br> I shall be visiting Wales for the first time in my life in May. We're going to Tenby so if anyone has any 'must do's' or 'must sees' please let me know. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/03/01/happy_st_david_s_day~1828598/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-03-01:/2007/03/01/happy_st_david_s_day~1828597/mari662007-03-01T17:27:04+01:002007-03-01T17:27:04+01:00 <p>To everybody.<br> I shall be visiting Wales for the first time in my life in May. We're going to Tenby so if anyone has any 'must do's' or 'must sees' please let me know. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/03/01/happy_st_david_s_day~1828597/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-02-21:/2007/02/21/something_that_touched_my_heart~1780196/mari662007-02-21T16:36:55+01:002007-02-21T16:36:55+01:00 <p>Writing on my forums I came across a beautiful post from a mum which made me stop and think.<br> For a moment I was transported into a 5 year old's world, and this transition showed me that no matter how much I may be suffering there is always someone somewhere worse off than me and when that person is a child I can't help but feel cross with myself for wallowing in my own sadness.</p> <p>Have a quick peek at these remarkable children. </p> <p>I have a something touchy feely and pink to pop in the post for Niamh. Maybe you'd like to treat a littl'un somewhere or just pass on the web address. </p> <p><a href="http://www.postpals.co.uk/pals/Niamh+W">http://www.postpals.co.uk/pals/Niamh+W</a> </p> <p>Thank you x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/02/21/something_that_touched_my_heart~1780196/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-02-14:/2007/02/14/letter_to_enrico~1740120/mari662007-02-14T16:04:43+01:002007-02-14T16:04:43+01:00 <p>Dear Enrico,</p> <p>Happy Valentine's Day, even if a very strange one for us.<br> In fact today marks the finalisation of our divorce at Canterbury Court from where I have just returned.</p> <p>When the court order comes through the post you will go ballistic and probably call me lots of names and try to turn the children against me however I think if you stop to think for just one moment coherently you can only agree with the judges decision.</p> <p>You must have realised once your relationship with Sabrina had become strong enough to warrant the break up of ours, that divorce was on the cards. You wanted it more than me. You also have known all along that divorce costs money and is never cheap. Now you have the proof.</p> <p>The first hearing was in January last year(06) and including today's there have been 5 in total, Out of these five you have only been present once, all of the other times preferring to totally ignore all of the court's letters and the communications from my solicitor. For a person with such an accute business acumen you surprised me.</p> <p>It soon became blatently obvious to the courts and me that you didn't want to give me anything at all and I'm afraid I couldn't accept this proposal from you. You told the courts you were up to your neck in debt and then took your girlfriend and the children on a holiday to Mexico AND treated yourself to a brand new Mercedes 4x4. That's not skint.</p> <p>I apologise in advance for doing this to you but I had to. I have spent the best part of 18 years at your side and when I left I left with nothing. I have nothing to show for all my hard work put into the family business, the house and our family. I'm sorry you don't see eye to eye on this.</p> <p>The judge has ordered a fairly substantial lump sum to be paid to me but he is also very aware that is not close to half of what I could have asked for had I been so inclined. I suppose I'm trying to tell you you've been extremely lucky, it could have been a lot worse.</p> <p>So Enrico, today I wish you all the best. I hope the decision you made to end us was the right one or else all of this would have been in vain. On one hand I wished I'd never met you, never had our children as that would have saved so much heartbreak and pain on the other I have learnt immensley from all of this and can now look forward to a new life with my partner of joy, trust and love. I hope you find these qualities too.</p> <p>Mari</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/02/14/letter_to_enrico~1740120/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-02-09:/2007/02/09/no~1709898/mari662007-02-09T14:44:09+01:002007-02-09T14:44:09+01:00 <p>Early January saw me taking a couple of days off sick thanks to my annual bout of flu. Stuck at home I mooched around bored and looked out of the window on our quiet cul de sac where nothing ever happens. </p> <p>Number 59 caught my eye. The door was wide open! In this freezing cold?<br> I watched this house for quite some time and the door never shut.<br> 'Had they left in a hurry and forgotten to shut it?'<br> 'What should I do? They might be burgled. Should I go and shut the door?'</p> <p>I did nothing, but continued my watch throughout the day at regular intervals. I even spoke to my partner about it and we came to the joint conclusion that to do nothing was the best plan of action. Dusk came and the door was still open.<br> It was shut at nightfall.</p> <p>The next day exactly the same thing happened, around about 8.30 - 9 o'clock, the door would open and stay open all day till nightfall.<br> 'What must their heating bill be like?' I questioned dearly beloved.<br> 'Not our problem babe.' came the wise reply.</p> <p>I went back to work but coming home in the evening I could see the door was open and instictively knew it had been open all day. This intuition was confirmed on the weekend watch.<br> A habit was formed of checking on no. 59's front door.<br> Why?<br> Maybe they have a dead body in there and the smell is over powering? Should I call the police?<br> Maybe it's a mental illness and they think it's summer? - Should I call the social services?</p> <p>Every day since the door has been wide open all day - EVEN with the torrential rains last week AND yesterday's snow storm.</p> <p>Very strange, can you help solve the mystery at hand?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/02/09/no~1709898/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-02-07:/2007/02/07/txt_from_denis~1699345/mari662007-02-07T19:40:41+01:002007-02-07T19:40:41+01:00 <p>Why aren't you talking to me i know about the baby and i miss you both i have trouble walking let alone driving</p> <p>Received today at 13.35</p> <p>I haven't replied yet, I don't think I have the strength just yet, I know I must be nice to him, and it's not the right moment just yet.</p> <p>This is what I want to tell him..that I'm totally peed off he let us down on Christmas Day - again. That somehow I knew he wouldn't have come beforehand and so his call on Xmas day just acted as a confirmation of my thoughts.<br> I'm so angry with him for texting my brother that he never wanted to see him or his family again. Us kids have learnt to stick together and look out for each other so it was if I had been sent that text. I know he was probably drunk at the time but I can't forgive him for it.<br> I'm sick of his lies which he still wants me to believe, even when we speak (which we will) it will all be lies.</p> <p>I could be very nasty and that's why I'm waiting before I speak to him. He's still my dad and I love him for all his faults and failures.<br> If it was any other person in my life, I would ignore the text completely and get on with my life, or call up and have a shouting match but it's dad and I don't want to do that.<br> I shall speak to my brothers and call him tomorrow after my scan where hopefully I will get the confirmation that this miscarriage is complete and I can move on to the next chapter in my life.<br> I'd like the old Denis back. He was lovely and I was proud of him </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/02/07/txt_from_denis~1699345/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-02-06:/2007/02/06/letter_to_the_other_woman~1692793/mari662007-02-06T18:35:11+01:002007-02-06T18:35:11+01:00 <p>Dear Sabrina,</p> <p>In April it will be 3 and a half years since I found out you were having an affair with my husband. I discovered your secret ménage in August 03 but for Enrico to take the decision to not to return home any more it must have been going on for a very long time indeed. I’d hazard a guess at a year.</p> <p>During that year you worked for us at our family run hotel <a href="http://www.clubhotelalpino.it">www.clubhotelalpino.it</a> working as a barmaid in our wine bar and therefore in close contact with Enrico every day until the early hours of the morning, drinking, laughing and having fun with him. You had all the time in the world to get to know him and me and our two children Thomas and Megan.</p> <p>You put up a façade during that year because many a time we sat at the bar and spoke of this and that, I would ask if you’d eaten and tell you to go and eat something in the kitchen worried that you couldn’t survive a long shift on a sandwich. Silly me you actually had an appointment to go to dinner with my husband later that evening.</p> <p>You shared your secret with many of our staff and although I didn’t know why at the time I could feel their scorn and their sniggers behind my back. Your friend Katia took a particularly nasty photo of me showing how much weight I’d put on that summer and I caught her showing it to my husband with such glee in her eyes. Funny how you dropped Katia the minute you got together with Enrico?</p> <p>I’m sure Enrico laid his case to you extremely well with military precision leaving no doubt in your eyes that our flagging relationship was finished, how he was so over me and ready for something new. Trouble is he never told me. I waited four nights for him to come home. Four days he wouldn’t answer my calls, he hid from me when I came down to the hotel. After an 18 year relationship I had to go and find out for myself. Enrico was never a courageous man.</p> <p>The minute I realised what had happened, so many things fell into place. That was why he hadn’t wanted to share a bed with me on our camper holiday to Puglia in June, he had said it was too hot but the truth is he couldn’t bear to be near me. That was why he had gone on a ski trip in January on his own, it wasn’t to source out other hotels, it was to be with you. I can remember him calling me from the hotel and raving about the wonderful food and asking after the children. What a poor, sly man. </p> <p>All of my closest friends couldn’t understand why I had it in for you so badly. Leave her! They told me. She’s done nothing. It’s him you should be angry with.</p> <p>Trouble is, it wasn’t the first time he’d betrayed me, I had tried to leave him so many times unsuccessfully returning for the benefit of the children, the family or because foolishly I believed him when he said I was the only woman for him and we could make this work.</p> <p>You see, you never stopped to think for a minute that I loved him and I cherished our family. All you could think of was yourself and what you wanted. You broke my family and destroyed everything I held dear without a care in the world. I wonder if your mother knows the truth or has she also had the watered down version you tried to pass off on my children? If she is a woman worth her salt she would be ashamed of you as I would be if Megan ever does anything similar to another family. </p> <p>When I heard you were all going to Mexico last October it made my blood boil. Did you know we were supposed to go there for our belated honeymoon? In 1997, I ran up those steps to our front door (now yours) with the flight tickets in my hand. It was to be our first BIG holiday without the children as we’d never had a honeymoon. I had a 21 day itinerary going from Citta del Mexico to Merida which I had spent weeks perfecting. I bet he didn’t tell you that. He cancelled it, said he wasn’t interested in Mexico and used his ill mother as an excuse to blow the whole lot saying we couldn’t get babysitters.</p> <p>I miss my children so much it kills me. I think of you in our house, cooking in my kitchen, using my washing machine, sitting on my sofa and watching our TV, it makes me so bitter. I think of my children needing help with their homework that you don’t give, the telling off they need when they’re in front of the TV too much or out too late at night, this you don’t do. I think of the cuddling they crave and the listening they need so much in this delicate moment of their lives and know you don’t do this either. What do you do for them? Enrico has always sadly lacked in this department too so my kids are the ones to suffer all of this at the end of the day.</p> <p>It took me some time but I made a new life for myself, I had too. My choice was to stay in Folgaria and watch you step into my shoes or leave and start afresh. Well I did leave, I came home to England and I found someone who makes Enrico look a very sorry effort of a man in comparison. I’m happy and finally fulfilled with a true relationship based on honesty, trust and true love.</p> <p>I’m sorry to say I don’t think you’ll ever be happy with Enrico as he is so selfish. He will never have time for you like he never had for us and he will always come first in his life. He has proven the extent of his dishonesty to you, shown you how callous he is and you have glimpsed just how nasty he can be. Not exactly the nicest qualities for a man to have, be warned.</p> <p>In 2003, when I found out, I wanted to kill you. Now it’s 2007 and I don’t care about you anymore. On the 14th of February, Valentines Day, we have our final hearing here in England and our marriage will be quantified and shared out. The End. For you it will signify a beginning, I believe in what comes around goes around and how in every choice we make we must accept the consequences of that choice. I’m interested to see just what yours will be?</p> <p>Marianne</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/02/06/letter_to_the_other_woman~1692793/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-01-30:/2007/01/30/we_need_to_talk_about_denis~1649049/mari662007-01-30T10:57:23+01:002007-01-30T11:05:49+01:00 <p>Denis has been mentioned a few times in this blog and many will know he's my Dad, you will also know he is an alcoholic and our relationship is a very fraught one.<br> Last time I mentioned him was back in November when I invited him to spend Christmas with us. It would have been the perfect opportunity for him to have a Christmas with his three kids and partners and his four grandchildren.</p> <p>I invited him the first time around the 14th Nov, he was over the moon and I thought a little slurry but I left it at that pleased that he had accepted and was so obviously happy about it.</p> <p>When I called back a week later to say both brothers had also said they could make it he asked<br> 'Am I coming too?'<br> I repeated the invite and he excused himself saying it must be Alzeimers.<br> I called back at the beginning of December and again he couldn't remember the invite and I replied shortly<br> 'I've already invited you twice Dad!'<br> I didn't take a lot of notice of his reply as I was already getting fed up by this point. I spoke to my brothers and warned them that I wouldn't be calling him to invite him yet again.</p> <p>Needless to say we got a phone call on Christmas morning to say he didn't think he was going to make it as his feet were playing him up. (His feet do swell up and he struggles to walk without a stick but we are all convinced it is when he drinks)</p> <p>We got on and had a really good day and the day after the brothers left for other family arrangements as is the norm in most families I believe. So Dad missed out on the umpteenth Christmas with us and being so used to his lacksidaisical manner, no one was particularly surprised about it although all in our own way disappointed that at 60+ he still hasn't learnt his lesson or can be like other Dads.<br> On the 27th Christmas, my brother forwarded me a text he had received from Dad at 5.30am saying<br> 'Seeing as you can't be bothered to pass through the door on Boxing Day I don't ever want to see you or your family again'<br> The text was longer but the drift was that. (Oh, and my brother was due to visit his wife's family having dedicated Christmas day to his own family)<br> My brother was very upset but also angry, he'd bailed Dad out earlier in the year to the tune of £1500 when he could ill afford it as he has a family himself. He'd also accompanied him on many occasions to the doctors, Alcohol Anonymous and other organisations attempting to help him recover from this terrible disease.<br> But as anyone who deals with an alcoholic knows, you can't do anything for them. The final decision to right something <strong>HAS </strong>to come from them.<br> I have been very angry since Christmas and can't bring myself to call him. I feel as if I should but I know he will tell me another pack of lies and I won't have the courage to tell him I know he's lying to me. It breaks my heart every time.</p> <p>Today is Denis's 63rd birthday, I didn't send a card and I haven't yet called him. I do feel guilty about it. I worry he's going to die and we haven't spoken (he's had a few near misses over the past few years - all drink related)<br> My younger brother has been to see him over the past weekends. He's not a happy man and I don't think he ever will be. But we really must do something about it soon. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/01/30/we_need_to_talk_about_denis~1649049/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-01-26:/2007/01/26/ex_husbands_are_they_ever_completely_ex~1624978/mari662007-01-26T11:43:10+01:002007-01-26T11:43:10+01:00 <p>Ex has such a finality to it that the feeling you get is of ending. Gone. Finished. Complete. But in some cases 'ex' is never going to be as such but evolves into a new being of simply 'there'.</p> <p>I have been approached recently by a journalist asking whether I would like to take part in an article on separated couples. I am <em>very </em>interested and plan to take this up in the near future. However it has got me thinking about my ex, his important part in my past and present and of course what the future may hold in store...</p> <p>We have our Final Hearing on the <u>14th February</u>. An event we shall both share as important and the irony in the chosen date isn't lost on me! Forcing me to question how the world works and who is up there making these 'coincidental' decisions? I am doomed to remember my ex on Valentine's Day for the rest of my life. How wierd is that?</p> <p>Fact is, even if a piece of paper will declare 'all is over' x amount to him, x amount to her (if i'm lucky) he's never completely going to be gone is he?<br> There are our two children. I go over about every 6 weeks to keep in touch with them and we will inevitably meet up at important moments in their lives for years to come.<br> There is my past. You can't just close down your past as it is what makes you who you are today. You draw on your past experiences to take decisions in your present. After 18 years spent together, he's bound to crop up.<br> And of course there was a time when we truly loved each other and the feeling was very intense and passionate. I can't ignore that or brush it aside as to do so would be to limit my own understanding of myself.</p> <p>So it's no wonder that in both of my recent pregnancies when dreams are at their strongest I have dreamt of Enrico and woken in the morning wondering why? He had nothing to do with the babies I was carrying, we haven't spoken for about a year and even when I vist Italy I rarely see him as we choose to avoid one another. So why is he cropping up in my sub conscience?</p> <p>I have decided to write a book of our story and now is the time to start it. It will help me 'clear out the loft' so to speak.</p> <p>It all started back in London in October 1985. I need to find out the music in the charts at that time, what were we watching on TV, who were our A list celebs and so on to create the atmosphere. I can remember Talking Heads. Wogan.<br> Can you help me go back to that period? What were you doing then? Did you watch Wogan on the box? I'm sure that's the early days of Eastenders, any info would be fun to hear. Thanks </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/01/26/ex_husbands_are_they_ever_completely_ex~1624978/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-01-25:/2007/01/25/predictions_can_they~1619933/mari662007-01-25T15:22:42+01:002007-01-26T20:08:39+01:00 <p>Big question, ladies who predict your future have been around since the year dot and the mystery linked to tarot cards, clairvoyancy and anything spooky has always held an enormous attration to many.</p> <p>I, in my past have relied far too much on predictions getting to a point where it was running my life, I chose to put a stop to it and have carried on with my life for a long time without the need <em>to know</em><br> Anyway, last December when I was striving to get pregnant I came across a lady called Cherie who does predictions free of charge only they take about 6 months to get through as she has so much work. If you want to jump the list you can pay $7.00 to get one, so I thought Oh what the heck! It's Christmas, I'll pay the 7 dollars.<br> <strong>Here is the first email I received from Cherie</strong></p> <p>Hi there Marianne</p> <p>Thank you for using the prediction bypass portion....looks like paypal charged you twice though!! The payment came through as 14.00, rather than one payment of 7.00.. so I can either refund you the 7.00, or upgrade you to a "sibling express" prediction?? just let me know what you would like to do. </p> <p>I just also need to know if you want a ttc prediction or pregnancy one and what pregnancy number your working on. Please include any loss you might have experienced.</p> <p>Thanks<br> Cheri</p> <p><strong>So I wrote....</strong><br> Hi Cheri,<br> Thanks for getting back to me. At this point keep the extra $7.00 dollars so I get a fuller picture (hopefully)<br> My story -<br> I was married and have two grown children from that marriage (18 + 16), I met my fiancé a couple of years ago and I am now 40 so not the best child bearing age.<br> We started to ttc last Oct and I fell pregnant in feb/march but unfortunately lost the baby at 20+6. I was obviously devastated and my confidence took quite a knock. We are still ttc and every month I go through the motions of thinking I am, only to find out I am not and it's soul destroying as you can imagine.<br> The baby I lost, Elize, was a little girl, nobody could give me any clear reason as to why I lost her, they just said infection which is pretty vague to be honest. The baby was healthy had no Downs Syndrome - which at my age is excellent and if God should wish I would like to have another child asap and possibly a sibling...or two (but maybe that's asking for too much!)<br> If you could let me know what you find out I'd be very grateful<br> Thanks Marianne</p> <p><strong>Her reply came back ......</strong><br> Hi Marianne</p> <p>You know what.. I think that you should post to a women named Zakia in todays parent forum. ( i can give you a link if you like) she is similar in age (i believe just a bit older) and she took has conceived and unfortunetly m/c.. later to learn that she too has an infection..S he might be able to talk to you about it, and see if you guys both have this.. I know that her and her husband have to take antibiotics... is there anyway to find out if yours is infact cleared up? </p> <p>And I do see one more child for you and I do see it being a BOY... I believe that this will have a connection to MARCH.. so either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. I do believe that also if you try accupuncture and also try <a href="http://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm">http://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm</a> you will have much success in concieving really fast. I do not think that you will have any issues getting pregnant. All though your age by your birthday is 40, your body I do believe is only similar to what you would have experienced 35-38. I believe you even feel young at heart! </p> <p>Reason you have not concieved as of yet...I believe that although your pressed for "time" as you think ( your not, still have years left to keep trying if you want more than one! lol) is because your afraid... afraid of getting pregnant and experiencing that again, and afraid of not getting pregnant.. I think that your inhibitting your own progress perhaps on a self concious level..... </p> <p>With that being said.. let me know where else you would like your reading to go.. either the indepth reading on your son to come... or perhaps you or your husband, finances?? etc..</p> <p>Thanks<br> Cheri</p> <p><strong>mmmmmm. So I replied</strong><br> Thank you!<br> It will be interesting to see if it's a boy as I have always thought boy but the Chinese predictor comes up with girl. We'll see<br> If, as you say, I could have the in-depth reading for the first due in April - the boy I would be very happy.<br> Thank you once again<br> Marianne </p> <p><strong>and this was her reply.....</strong><br> Hi Marianne</p> <p>here is the reading for the boy</p> <p>when it comes to your son, he is going to be adventurous, soemone who does not have alot of fear, no problems climbing trees or leaping off the couch (when you not looking of course) and will be willing to try anything at least once. </p> <p>I think that you will find that he is very outgoing and seems to get along with kids of all ages. Seems to enjoy hanging around kids either his age, or just slightly older. You will find that he loves to play with toys that require imagination. Often toys like cars, or transformers, etc.. soldiers..etc.. require imagination and no batteries. You will see endless stories come out of him and go into his make believe world. </p> <p>he has a good happy go lucky type attitude. Often tends to focus on the postitive tyhings in life, and likes to help out. I think that you will find that he is more than willing to help volunteer his time around the house, or if there is someone that you guys know that needs help is the first one to offer. Without even a second thought. </p> <p>He is just such a sharing, caring and generous young man that will continue into his old age. he always thinks ahead, and often thinks of others before himself, making sure to not to step on any toes with any decision that he makes. Often trying to make the right desicion that will benefit not only himself but the ones around him. </p> <p>When it does finally move from home, wont be far. Will want to make sure that you guys are well taken care of and that he is close by should you need anything. </p> <p>When it comes to career paths, I see your son heading into social service type career. Usually handling familys with low income, and working to help them acheive better things for themselves. I think that you will also find that your son will write a few short stories, usually published in mens' magazines (not R rated) and othertimes have his work included in a novel of short stories. There are a few of his ideas, that are pitched to movie producers, and taken into having a film made about it. most times, he collaborates on the script, but will not write it himself. </p> <p>When it comes to marraige he will be around 28. They will hae one girl and one boy of their own.</p> <p>let me know if you have any questions<br> Thanks<br> Cheri</p> <p>So what do you make of all that then? Penny for your thoughts xx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/01/25/predictions_can_they~1619933/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-01-24:/2007/01/24/each_blow_makes_you_a_stronger_person~1614500/mari662007-01-24T17:37:57+01:002007-01-24T17:37:57+01:00 <p>I have been told this in a nice attempt to cheer me up and the person it came from is a very good friend of mine and we go back - gosh to junior school!<br> And you know I think when you get to 40 each and every one of us has a few battle scars gained throughout the years which, yes, have made us stronger and challenged us to the core. However, my answer to this very dear friend of mine was<br> 'I've had enough of challenges, I want to be scrubbed off the list of 'People To Make Stronger.' I want to be left alone to enjoy my days in peace.<br> If it's true that we come into this world with a Life Plan then I'd really be curious to see what point I'm at with mine and what the hell is left on it for me to still battle through!</p> <p>Here are some of the phrases people say to try and make you feel better after a miscarriage, I'm not scorning them as they all mean well but when you're on the receiving side they can seem as if they're slightly off target... (I have borrowed this form the Baby World 'Losing a Baby forum, it can be found as a sticky post at the top of the board and is an excellent guide to all of us)</p> <p>"It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counselling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible. </p> <p>"It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out. </p> <p>"You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children. </p> <p>"Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father? </p> <p>"Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her. </p> <p>"Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours. </p> <p>"Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age. </p> <p>"I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. </p> <p>"It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine. </p> <p>"Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen. </p> <p>Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter. </p> <p>Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that. </p> <p>Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. </p> <p>If you're my boss or my co-worker: </p> <p>Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition. </p> <p>Do recognize that in addition to the physical after effects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space. </p> <p>If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while." </p> <p>Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me. </p> <p>Author Unknown </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/01/24/each_blow_makes_you_a_stronger_person~1614500/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2007-01-23:/2007/01/23/another_sad_ending~1606946/mari662007-01-23T15:34:36+01:002007-01-23T15:34:36+01:00 <p>I haven't been around again for quite a while as I was so caught up with Christmas and my pregnancy and I have been spending far too much time on pregnancy forums.<br> Much has happened and now I'm kicking myself that I didn't keep this updated, however I have been writing an online pregnancy diary on Babyworld.co.uk.<br> My username is chocolatedrop. I have two diaries<br> 1. 40 and positive (for when I was trying to conceive and for now)<br> 2. 40, fabulous and pregnant (for the duration of my pregnancy)<br> Why is it I chose titles that on retrospect make me cringe?</p> <p>The sad news is that after going for an early scan to try and put my anxious mind at rest last Thursday I discovered that I have a <strong>Blighted Ovum</strong>. This means - I am pregnant but in the initial division of the cells that go to form the blastocyst which then implants in the uterus, ours divided themselves badly and created everything bar the baby. So although we saw a gestation sack there was no baby in it.</p> <p>I was absolutely gutted and am still in shock. I thought I'd kind of 'done my bit' with my last late miscarriage in summer 06 but no, obviously not.</p> <p>My body still thinks I'm pregnant however and I am off to see my GP shortly to talk over my options which basically boil down to 3<br> 1. <u>Expectant Management </u>- you wait for everything to be passed naturally. Pros, nature's way of sorting out a bad egg. Cons, you have no idea of when this may happen so limbo land<br> 2. <u>Medical Management </u>- You are given a drug to counteract the progesterone in your body which helps the pregnancy to 'stick' which can take up to a few hours to take effect followed by pessaries to encourage the cervix to open and therefore pass all of the products of conception. (What a horrible expression!)<br> 3. <u>EPRC </u>- surgical removement of products of conception under an anesthetic.</p> <p>I would prefer the first option but this seems to stop and start willy nilly and is very tiring for me emotionally. I am scared stiff of the 3rd option as I have never been a fan of hospitals net alone operations adn the second is resulting back to drugs and I wonder if there will be any long term effects from it.<br> It goes without saying that I am feeling a whole range of emotions the first that of failure in my partner's eyes. I feel as if I have let him down yet again. He promises me this is not the case but you can't help but feel it.<br> I am also feeling incredibly low which is so unlike me as I usually manage to find something to focus on and pick myself up.<br> But, I think worst of all that I have hit an all time low and feel as if I never will achieve this dream, I have lost faith in myself and life in general and that is scary.</p> <p>Oh and before I go, do you remember me talking about Wendy, my partner's sister in law? Who had been trying for over 5 years and struggled due to PCOS??? Well to add a totally bitter sweet ingrediant to this sad post, she too is pregnant after all this time and her due date was 2 days after mine. 28th August 07<br> I am over the moon for her, she is a lovely woman and they both deserve this so much but this does mean I will have a constant reminder of my second lost pregnancy.<br> That's when I can truly say<br> 'Life is a bitch!'</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2007/01/23/another_sad_ending~1606946/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-12-22:/2006/12/22/do_you_like_my_tickers~1467676/mari662006-12-22T12:00:21+01:002006-12-22T12:02:44+01:00 <p>I had such fun choosing them and it's great as I have a constant idea of what's going on.<br> I watched the documentary on Animals in the Womb last night and was fascinated. Can you believe a mother elephant carries her baby for 22 months? Amazing. I saw a doc. on elephants earlier this autumn and one mother miscarried her baby, it was heartbreaking to see her try her hardest to make the little one live. I believe they and dolphins are as intelligent (if not more) than us.</p> <p>My son called me last night, both him and his sister are due to arrive on Sunday and are dead worried about the fog as the Italian media have been really going to town on it. I cannot wait to see them and will shift the fog myself if needs be.</p> <p>I have now invited Denis, my dad, twice over for Christmas Day, both times I think he was drunk and forgot, I refused to invite him a third time and told the brothers to get on the case. Anyway he called me, sober, last night and I hope he comes down. I love him dearly but cannot stand it when he gets drunk and I find I can't talk to him either as he tends to lie.</p> <p>My younger brother has asked if he can bring his new girlfriend, Alana with him. Of course he can! I adore him and would so like to see him in a happy relationship, he broke with his girlfriend of 5 yrs a year ago and has been enjoying himself since (maybe a little too much?)</p> <p>So that will bring us up to 10! We're going for the traditional feast, turkey and trimmings followed by Christmas pud and brandy butter. Aaahhhhh! I love it, must be my favourite meal of the year.</p> <p>Alana by the way is from the Cech republic so will add a very interesting slant to our day. Prague here I come LOL <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Happy Christmas everyone, just in case I don't get back on in time. May Santa bring all your desires. I have mine so anything else is an extra.<br> Much love mari</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/12/22/do_you_like_my_tickers~1467676/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-12-21:/2006/12/21/i_m_pregnant~1465151/mari662006-12-21T17:43:43+01:002006-12-21T17:43:43+01:00 <p>AS the title says, we've finally done it and today I am officially 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Yaaayyyy!<br> Which means baby is not more than an apple pip but working very hard and sorting out all his cells in the right order and I am feeling over the moon, incredibly nauseous and dog tired.<br> Not that I'm complaining, actually it's nice feeling like that as it reminds me constantly of what's happening inside.<br> We tested last Saturday morning two days before I was due as we had a party that night and I needed to know if I could drink or not. And it came up straight away, so I am now the official taximuch to my partner's delight!<br> We told the family at the pre christmas get together on Sunday and they are <em>so </em>happy for us. It is very early days but they know we've been trying since Oct and we just hope this little one goes the whole 36 weeks left.<br> YOu may remember me mentioning earlier in the year my worry for Wendy my sister in law who suffers from PCOS, I ahve kept her in the picture these last few months so she was aware we were trying and she is also very happy too.<br> We're also very lucky considering my age (40) as it's seen as over the hill in this department.<br> So I raise my glass to all bloggers and wish you all a very happy Christmas and New Year, I have received my gift and I hope Santa brings you yours<br> xx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/12/21/i_m_pregnant~1465151/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-12-07:/2006/12/07/everyone_s_falling_apart_from_me~1411984/mari662006-12-07T15:51:22+01:002006-12-07T17:01:58+01:00 <p>Yes, on both boards I write on there have been two women on the +35 board who have announced they're pregnant and plenty on the other boards too.<br> Now I am very happy for these ladies and wish them wonderful pregnancies ahead but it does make me feel as if I'm slacking behind, not running fast enough so to speak.<br> Remember as a kid doing sports day? I never won the race and although never last was never up the front. Now I have that same impression again.<img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"><br> I'm trying to not think about it but it's not really working as it is such a priority in my life.<br> It's so frustrating, many things in life you can 'make' work for you, you can push and control things to a huge extent but when it comes to babymaking there is <u>zero control</u>.<br> You can take your daily temps, watch your body closely for signs. <strong>BUT</strong> then it's all down to catching the egg at the right moment ( not a huge window as commonly believed) and then praying it can safely implant itself.<br> Then you have an agonising 12 weeks praying the egg and it's swimmer were good ones, because if they're not. Nature says goodbye baby and you're bcak to square one.<br> And here comes my motto 'what will be will be'<br> ciao for now <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/12/07/everyone_s_falling_apart_from_me~1411984/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-12-06:/2006/12/06/where_s_all_the_intial_enthusiasm_gone~1408646/mari662006-12-06T17:16:20+01:002006-12-06T17:16:20+01:00 <p>yes, days - weeks pass with no entry. I'm playing around in various forums but nor writing.<br> I seem to have lost all enthusiasm for this blog these days.<br> maybe beccauuse I don't have a specific direction or know where I want this to go.<br> I spending my time getting ready for Christmas, pressies, tree, baubles and the sort adn am again waiting to see if we have any luck this month.<br> It's stqarting to wear me down a bit to be honest and sometimes I contemplate giving up but hey. I can't.<br> HOpefully I'll be back sono in a better frame of mind.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/12/06/where_s_all_the_intial_enthusiasm_gone~1408646/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-11-20:/2006/11/20/in_denial~1349310/mari662006-11-20T12:39:32+01:002006-11-20T12:39:32+01:00 <p>I've been hiding and not wanting to write. Again I was playing the waiting game and it didn't work out for us this month either. So I am very down in the dumps and wondering if we ever will have the joy of expecting a baby again.<br> I also got back from Italy yesterday where I popped over to see my kids and check on them. They are fine, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them and it wasn't till I was actually waiting to leave that Assunta managed to drag up old wounds and really p**s me off.<br> From her words I know all the village have been talking about me and my decision to leave and have come up with the following judgement on my behalf.<br> They can understand my decision to leave Folgaria as a woman (very good of them)but they cannot understand my decision as a mother to leave the children.(very ignorant of them)<br> Which incidentally I didn't abandon them, my son aged 16 at the time asked me if he could stay there as he had his friends (totally understandable) and my daughter who came with me to the UK for 6 months after continuous emotional blackmailing phone calls from her father decided to go back.<br> I have had this same discussion from 3 people now, all quoting the same judgemental phrase above and 'concerned' enough to tell me about it.<br> <strong>Enrica</strong> - best friend who goes back at least 10 years. The first to speak out - for my benefit obviously, she chose to tell me in August, one month after my miscarriage when I was at my worst low in life ever. She raised her voice and the discussion ended in my tears. Her choice 'we're best friends so therefore I have a right to tell you how to conduct your life' has greatly changed how I see our friendship.<br> <strong>Lorena</strong> - Ex sister in law. I have known her for the entire duration of my relationship with my ex husband 1986 - today. Our relationship that has always been fraught with jealousy and deceipt. She chose my October visit to give me a piece of her mind. She chose a softer approach than Enrica and I didn't even bother to try and stand up for myself this time as I was already beginning to understand that my trial had already taken place without me.<br> <strong>Assunta</strong> - my ex brother in law's girlfriend, been on the scene since 1999 circa. Has always kept herself to herself never wanted to mix or get to know me or find out about my side of the story ubt now wishes to also speak out.<br> I need to put them right and I'm contemplating how, an email? write a book or what.<br> It's a very long story that spans 2 decades, also they probably wouldn't even bother to read it. they don't care. Their minds are made up.<br> How very annoying to be judged only on what they know and not what happened.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/11/20/in_denial~1349310/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-11-10:/2006/11/10/back_to_normal~1315737/mari662006-11-10T14:18:32+01:002006-11-10T14:18:32+01:00 <p>It's over thank God. WTM for 2006 has been wrapped up nicely and filed away.<br> A very tiring 5 days and I'm having a bit of a nothing day today.<br> One of the high points was a dinner on a Thames river boat which was particularly special and made me think that it could be an ideal wedding venue - something a little out of the ordinary.<br> I am lucky to have collected a range of gadgets and gifts from various exhibitors such as necklaces, wine, ceramic plates, books, calendars and so forth. I have a feeling in my bones that it may be my last WTM which fingers crossed will be true.<br> I am currently in the 2ww (2 week wait) to see if we have successfully got the Egg this time round. I am trying very hard not to think about it but seeing as one of our waiters on Tuesday asked me if I was pregnant it's becoming quite difficult! Only a week to go adn then I'll know.<br> Xmas is looming up, I shall be looking out of the window as dark descends to check out Regent Street's lights. why on earth they asked Jordan and her hubby Pete to sing I have no idea.<br> I apologise to all of her fans out there but I really do think she is a waste of space and an attention seeker. Can't stand her.<br> Am going to get on now and finish my second writing assignment - I had to write an article of 2000 words adn I chose to write it on miscarriage which is becoming increasingly more talked about which pleases me as women who suffer are terribly isolated.<br> That's all for now folks! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/11/10/back_to_normal~1315737/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-11-05:/2006/11/05/sunday_blues~1297406/mari662006-11-05T13:00:21+01:002006-11-05T13:00:21+01:00 <p>I'm feeling very under the weather as I have a cold, sore throat and a heavy head feeling.<br> I am at work today as it's WTM time and we have all of our participants arriving to collect thier badges and all I want to do is be in bed...oh dear nose running again<br> bye for now </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/11/05/sunday_blues~1297406/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-10-31:/2006/10/31/getting_your_knickers_in_a_twist~1281089/mari662006-10-31T13:46:14+01:002006-10-31T13:46:14+01:00 <p>Funniest thing happened today on my way to work that hasn't happened since I was a kid.<br> I got off my commuter coach at the Embankment as usual and as it was a lovely day, bit blowy but nice I decided to walk rather than get the tube to Oxford Circus.<br> Anyway, walking a long I felt that my knickers were sliding down my backside! Well I could hardly stop in the middle of Leicester Square put my hand in my trousers and yank them up so i carried on walking all the way to the office where I nipped into the first loo I came across and sorted myself out!<br> 1. thank the Lord I was wearing trousers today else it could have been a lot worse<br> 2. They are from M&S and I only bought them a while ago.<br> 3. they are girl boxer style so hardly flimsy.<br> 4. Have worn them on a few occasions and have never yet experienced this with them before.<br> 5. I haven't lost an awful amount of weight since I last wore them<br> 6. am not walking differently to usual</p> <p>Will be going out on lunch break to see if there is a repeat performance - will keep you posted.</p> <p>Of course if it does happen again shall I take them back? Obviously they will be washed but what do I say to the sales person?<br> These knickers don't stay up any more, can I have a new pair please?<br> mmmmm?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/10/31/getting_your_knickers_in_a_twist~1281089/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-10-27:/2006/10/27/long_friday~1267675/mari662006-10-27T15:12:59+02:002006-10-27T15:12:59+02:00 <p>God this day just doesn't seem to want to finish, mind I spose it's not so good to wish your life away so quickly it's just I'm dead bored in the office today and can't concentrate on anything.<br> I did do the Euro Lottery £75,000,000 coming my way guys! Mind, I did split the costs with my colleague, we have two lucky dips each but I have the ticket in my purse. He only has a photo copy...<br> So, would I secretly leave the country if I won...or would I be an honest angel and give him his half.<br> I'd give him his half and this is how I'm going to spend the rest.<br> 37,500,000<br> Let's start with making a nice round figure and stick the 7 and a half in a high interest account maybe in Switzerland?<br> OK sort Dad out seeing as I was so hard on him yesterday 1,000,000<br> My nan has just lost her soul mate and is very depressed let's give her a million to spend<br> Both of my brothers I adore and I'm sure a million each would go down a treat.<br> My kids, come back to them as I've got plans here.<br> Mum and her hubby - a million<br> 25,000,000 - stacks left (what the hell is Heather Mills complaining about???)<br> Buy each of the kids a beautiful place to live in Folgaria, stick a couple of million each in an account that they can't touch till date to be confirmed.<br> Let them have x amount (how much?) don't want them getting spoilt or going off the rails etc.<br> Take them on holidays, New York, Grand Canyon, ayers Rock, etc.<br> Buy a house for me and my lovely man with all mod cons. And a holiday home, a studio in New York.<br> Give loved one a fair chunk to satisfy his car passion. A Jag, and anything he sees on Fifth Gear/Top Gear that takes his fancy<br> I'm going shopping.<br> The list is endless and I've still got stacks<br> But hey - if I win I promise to keep writing my blog and tell you all how I spent it.<br> Now isn't that very righteous of me? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/10/27/long_friday~1267675/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-10-26:/2006/10/26/denis_my_dad~1264476/mari662006-10-26T18:12:36+02:002006-10-26T18:12:36+02:00 <p>My dad treated my mum like you know what when they were together. He was a good looking fella in his youth and had plenty of offers from lonely women all of which he took. Their marriage broke down when I was 11 and he left our home forever.<br> Mum managed, she kept down two jobs to pay off the mortgage where she had to give my dad half. And we didn't go without. She did us good.<br> Dad turned into an alcoholic, wrong, he already was but his problem spiralled out of control. We saw him every other weekend and every other Christmas and so on like so many of us from that generation.<br> Dad met another woman, nice we liked her. They married, she got him off the booze until he was a teetotal and were very happy until she passed away very unexpectedly in 1989.<br> Dad left for USA and blew everything he had on some oil business over there and returned to the UK years later adn slept in B&B's around London.<br> He found a flat to live in and since then has never worked since.<br> My dad is a liar and that is what gets me most. Even the phone call we've just had is a whole pack of lies adn I don't like the person he has become.<br> This makes me feel incredibly guilty as I should love my own dad, but after a fake cancer scare at the beginning of the year, his depression when I lost MY baby, two trips into hospital where he nearly lost his life I'm running out of steam for him.<br> It's true I have to force myself to go and see him and dread it. HIs house stinks of fags and booze, it's dirty where it hasn't been cleaned since God only knows when and it's run down.<br> Sometimes he calls and talks s**t, other times he can't remember calling. Sometimes my brothers arrange to go and see him and he'll blow them out telling them not to come as he's got a cold.<br> I feel very sorry for him, I pity him but honestly he's getting on my nerves. I want him to start doing something for himself.<br> His housing association have told him they'll be knocking down his flats in 2 yrs time, he'll be moved out and he's been given options of where - Brighton, Eastbourne etc<br> All he's thinking is how much money he can get out of them because he's being uprooted!<br> It drives me insane that my father is one of the bloodsuckers of society.<br> Sorry for the rant but had to get it off my chest </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/10/26/denis_my_dad~1264476/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:mari66.blog.co.uk,2006-10-25:/2006/10/25/it_s_been_a_while~1259103/mari662006-10-25T09:48:24+02:002006-10-25T09:48:24+02:00 <p>Hi all,<br> I haven't posted for a few days now basically cos I was visited by the Old Bag (menstruation) and got very depressed about the whole thing.<br> I did drink far too much on Saturday night when we had friends over for dinner and I think this was partly wanting to forget the whole business and partly because the older I get the more I can't handle my booze. Scary. It now takes me two days to recover.<br> What makes it worse, is not the odd glass of wine more than ususal but the limoncello or whisky that I drink after the meal.<br> Apart from the extra calories it does no good to your reproductive organs so i have decided to cut down as of now setting a limit of two untis a week (ie Friday night 1 glass of wine and Sat night another)<br> A very good friend of mine is pregnant and I am very happy for her. She has suffered two miscarriages over the past year and naturally is extremely worried about her scan on Friday. I pray it all goes well for her this time.<br> Of course, I want to have a bump with her and the more I think about it, the more obsessed I become and in theory the harder it is to get pregnant.<br> I haven't stopped running over the fact that I should be 7 and half months now. Watching GMTV in the morning is a constant reminder as the woman who does the weather is as far gone as I would have been. she ahs a lovely bump and is positively blooming and that's what I should be.<br> I wonder to myself if it will ever happen again and as my 'due date' comes closer and closer (28 nov) I get more and more anxious.<br> Once that date has passed maybe I'll be a bit better.<br> I have armed myself with a digital ovulation kit that supposedly will inform me when I am ovulating and therefore tell me when it will be more likely to fertilise the egg and I have bought a book by Zita West - Getting Pregnant. which gives a lot of useful hints about how to watch your body throughout the cycle.<br> One positive thought (because otherwise I'm going to break down) is if I managed to get pregnant before chances are I can again this time.<br> fingers crossed x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://mari66.blog.co.uk/2006/10/25/it_s_been_a_while~1259103/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>