I've been hiding and not wanting to write. Again I was playing the waiting game and it didn't work out for us this month either. So I am very down in the dumps and wondering if we ever will have the joy of expecting a baby again.
I also got back from Italy yesterday where I popped over to see my kids and check on them. They are fine, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them and it wasn't till I was actually waiting to leave that Assunta managed to drag up old wounds and really p**s me off.
From her words I know all the village have been talking about me and my decision to leave and have come up with the following judgement on my behalf.
They can understand my decision to leave Folgaria as a woman (very good of them)but they cannot understand my decision as a mother to leave the children.(very ignorant of them)
Which incidentally I didn't abandon them, my son aged 16 at the time asked me if he could stay there as he had his friends (totally understandable) and my daughter who came with me to the UK for 6 months after continuous emotional blackmailing phone calls from her father decided to go back.
I have had this same discussion from 3 people now, all quoting the same judgemental phrase above and 'concerned' enough to tell me about it.
Enrica - best friend who goes back at least 10 years. The first to speak out - for my benefit obviously, she chose to tell me in August, one month after my miscarriage when I was at my worst low in life ever. She raised her voice and the discussion ended in my tears. Her choice 'we're best friends so therefore I have a right to tell you how to conduct your life' has greatly changed how I see our friendship.
Lorena - Ex sister in law. I have known her for the entire duration of my relationship with my ex husband 1986 - today. Our relationship that has always been fraught with jealousy and deceipt. She chose my October visit to give me a piece of her mind. She chose a softer approach than Enrica and I didn't even bother to try and stand up for myself this time as I was already beginning to understand that my trial had already taken place without me.
Assunta - my ex brother in law's girlfriend, been on the scene since 1999 circa. Has always kept herself to herself never wanted to mix or get to know me or find out about my side of the story ubt now wishes to also speak out.
I need to put them right and I'm contemplating how, an email? write a book or what.
It's a very long story that spans 2 decades, also they probably wouldn't even bother to read it. they don't care. Their minds are made up.
How very annoying to be judged only on what they know and not what happened.

It's over thank God. WTM for 2006 has been wrapped up nicely and filed away.
A very tiring 5 days and I'm having a bit of a nothing day today.
One of the high points was a dinner on a Thames river boat which was particularly special and made me think that it could be an ideal wedding venue - something a little out of the ordinary.
I am lucky to have collected a range of gadgets and gifts from various exhibitors such as necklaces, wine, ceramic plates, books, calendars and so forth. I have a feeling in my bones that it may be my last WTM which fingers crossed will be true.
I am currently in the 2ww (2 week wait) to see if we have successfully got the Egg this time round. I am trying very hard not to think about it but seeing as one of our waiters on Tuesday asked me if I was pregnant it's becoming quite difficult! Only a week to go adn then I'll know.
Xmas is looming up, I shall be looking out of the window as dark descends to check out Regent Street's lights. why on earth they asked Jordan and her hubby Pete to sing I have no idea.
I apologise to all of her fans out there but I really do think she is a waste of space and an attention seeker. Can't stand her.
Am going to get on now and finish my second writing assignment - I had to write an article of 2000 words adn I chose to write it on miscarriage which is becoming increasingly more talked about which pleases me as women who suffer are terribly isolated.
That's all for now folks!

I'm feeling very under the weather as I have a cold, sore throat and a heavy head feeling.
I am at work today as it's WTM time and we have all of our participants arriving to collect thier badges and all I want to do is be in bed...oh dear nose running again
bye for now